Actress, writer, and activist Nicole Maines is giving readers the cold, hard truth in her new memoir: It Gets Better . . . Except When It Gets Worse. The national bestselling book chronicles the groundbreaking actress’s life as a trans kid who had to fight for her right to exist in the classroom to an actress in some of the hottest shows on television, all through her own words.
She spoke about her decision to start writing a memoir about her life, “I feel like in those 27 years, a lot has happened, and I definitely found that I had more than enough to fill the pages of this book, between the lawsuit, my transition, queer history, becoming an actor, experiencing severe medical trauma, and also just wanting to yell about the current state of our world. I think I’ve had as very jam-packed 27 years, and after the books release, I keep kicking myself for all the things I still neglected to include!”
She shared what it was like let the world in to some of her most personal stories, ‘I feel like my personal life has already been the subject of much public discussion and debate, so if anything, this was easier because it was able to be on my own terms.” She continued, “So often trans people, especially trans youth, are spoken over and about rather than to, so having the opportunity to tell my story, my way, was really cathartic for me.”
Maines talked about what it would have meant to her and her family to have had a book like this when she was growing up, “It would have been a game changer to have had any book that talked about trans kids, sugarcoated or not.” She goes on to say, “That was a big part of the problem growing up, there just wasn’t any information available for families going through this. There was an insane amount of bushwhacking we had to do in the beginning, and I think if there had been more available in terms of literature, it would have made it that much easier to legitimize what I was expressing.”
She hopes the book “Opens up more room for having nuanced conversations about social issues, and and makes people a little less self conscious when having those conversations. Transness has been so highly politicized (by republicans, not, in fact, by the “woke mob” ) to the point where it feels like it’s impossible to cut through the bullshit and actually get to the heart of the issue.” She adds, “I think my hope with this book was to showcase more of my humanity, with some of our history sprinkled in (because god forbid people learn about it anywhere except an elective WGS class) and help people understand that maybe trans folks have been turned into a Boogeyman of sorts, and that it is so far removed from the reality.”
She shared that, “I get really honest about my own personal shortcomings, because I am not a perfect person. No one is. But I don’t think trans people should have to be perfect to earn respect. I want people to understand that multiple things can be true at once, and that science, nature, and the world do not exist in black and white.”
Maines told GLAAD that naming the book “was actually the easy part.” She said, “I came up with it when I was in college, and I was struggling to come to terms with my first surgery being a failure. I felt so defeated. I had built my surgery up into this big Happily Ever After moment, and when it didn’t go the way I wanted, and I actually ended up being really hurt, I felt this insane sense of whiplash. ‘It was supposed to get better. How tf did it get so much worse,’ I thought. And there was the title.” She adds, “Actually, I wanted it to be longer, originally. I wanted it to be It Gets Better, Except When It Gets Worse, Which Is Most Of The Time, So Gear Up, Brenda. They told me it was ‘too long.’ Cowards.”
She talked about her fears for the next generation of trans kids and families in the United States post-election, “I’m honestly terrified for the kids right now. The landscape is so different from when I was going through all of that. Namely because people have been taught to view trans people, and for some reason trans kids, specifically, as an active threat.”
She shared that, “When I was younger, there was hostility, but it wasn’t being organized on, literally, the federal level. The way that republican politicians have whipped people into a frenzy over trans people makes it nearly impossible to get anything done. When I was younger, I had the advantage of being able to fly somewhat under the radar.” She said that when she transitioned, she was able to do so without anyone “breathing down my neck and telling me that they know more about my transness than me, my doctor, or my numerous therapists. I feel bad for families right now. It shouldn’t be this hard. And it shouldn’t be this scary.”
Read more about Nicole Maines here and get your copy of It Gets Better . . . Except When It Gets Worse now!