As motorized wheelchair users who share a rare brittle bone disorder, Jay Manuel and Pamela Chavez are used to strangers gawking. Moving throughout a world that can only be described as inhospitable to folks with disabilities comes with a kind of attention that is often uncomfortable and offensive. But when the opportunity to do a reality series about their life became a reality, the couple considered it a “blessing and a privilege and honor,” Pamela said. Because now, they could harness the eyeballing of non-disabled audiences for good.
“This is something that hasn’t been done before,” Jay said. “The kind of representation that we’re putting [out] there, it feels like a cake. It’s a lot of layers. You have a lot of intersectionality. So it wasn’t something that we could just pass up. We were like, ‘If not us, then who?'”
The result is “Jay & Pamela,” which premiered on TLC in March and immediately diversified what TV can look like by centering the love of a Black trans man and a Mexican woman, both of whom live with Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type 3. Then there is the support provided by Jay’s parents, Rene and Raphael, which additionally offers a still-too-rare public example of a Black mother and father loving their trans child. This series follows the title couple as they get married and move out of Jay’s parents’ basement. It aims to dispel myths and stereotypes through an authenticity many likely haven’t seen on-screen.
Take, for example, a now-viral clip from the show about Jay and Pamela’s sex life in which Jay proclaims Pamela as “the freak in all the sheets — every sheet, every layer” of their relationship.
“We forgot that he said that,” Pamela admitted blushingly.
“Well, I won’t ever forget now,” Jay quipped with a smirk.
“But it was very intentional for us,” he continued. “There were a lot of conversations we wanted to present, especially when it came to disability and talking about marriage equality for disabled people. We felt that it was very important to have these conversations, especially on such a large platform because we do want to actually educate people with our show.”
Ahead of the “Jay & Pamela” season finale on April 22, GLAAD spoke with Jay and Pamela, Rene, and Raphael about their journey.
GLAAD has edited the following conversation for clarity and flow.
What has the response to the series been like for you all?
Pamela: Doing this has been a beautiful experience because now that the show is out, [we’re] getting feedback from all types of people. People are saying this show is their comfort show because they take a moment and either laugh or learn something. It’s really amazing that different types of people can take from the show, whether they’re part of our communities or it’s something to forget their problems for a moment and enjoy something.
Jay, I know you already have a fanbase on social media, where you’re known for your beats as MiniProducer. How has your audience responded to seeing more of your life this way?
Jay: Because of the type of content I did, people weren’t necessarily expecting that I would have a whole show about my life. And, of course, some people were surprised about what’s being called the plot twist of my identity [as a trans man]. However, what’s really great about it is that it opens up a lot of dialogue and conversation. I have gotten a lot of support from other transgender men and their partners talking about how nice it is to see that kind of representation in a show.
In terms of your disclosure as a trans person, it’s done in quite a matter-of-fact way on the show. How intentional was that?
Jay: A lot of things are very intentional and just how we wanted to approach the show. When it came to my trans-ness, I wanted it to be brought up, obviously, but I didn’t want to make it this big thing because it’s just a part of me. And so I wanted it to feel like that. Like you learn something new about me, and then we keep moving on, and if it’s relevant to the conversation or the episode, it will come up. I mean, I talk more about being autistic and having OI than I do about being trans, which I think is different for people. People are used to [transness] being at the forefront and the conversation at all times. However, I wanted people to get to know me as an individual and be able to attach themselves to that.
Pamela: We were always very mindful of what we said, whether about disability, gender, or sexuality. A lot of people still don’t see people with disabilities as adults. They continue to have this idea that we’re not capable of having adult relationships and we’re not capable of living on our own and just all those stigmas and stereotypes. We wanted to shed that layer and be very educational in that sense as well.
Rene and Raphael, how have y’all thought about what you represent in the show as Black parents especially?
Rene: I absolutely want to make sure that we’re seen as parents that support our child. That’s what parents should do — love and support their child. I want to make sure that Jay is happy. Is it new territory for us when Jay came to us and said, “Hey, here’s the journey that I’m on?” Absolutely. But that doesn’t matter. Our journey has always been different. It doesn’t look like what people would consider normal because we were raising a child with a disability.
I hope that when people watch the show, they truly see [our care about Jay’s happiness] shine through. It doesn’t matter your background, where you came from, or if you grew up in a heavily religious family. It really is about the support of your child, just like anybody else.
Raphael: In raising Jay, I have always gone with the approach that I’m raising him as if nothing’s wrong. So, when Jay was learning something new, he had to show me what he could do. It wasn’t about me immediately jumping to fix the world for Jay because of his disability. Finding out that he was on, as my wife said, a new journey — although we already had in our minds that he was on this journey, he just hadn’t released the information to us yet — I was as careful as possible to ease him into information so that he could make his own choices about how he wanted to approach this new journey he was on.
The show also shows a very different dynamic with your family, Pamela, who is distant and unsupportive of your relationship. What do you hope people consider as they watch you navigate that?
Pamela: I can only recall my experience of being the daughter of two Mexican immigrants from a very traditional Catholic family. I don’t know what the perspective is of being a parent. However, as Rene mentioned, the hope is that your parent is open-minded [enough] to at least be like, “Okay, maybe I don’t understand this, but can you please help me understand because I’m still in your corner?”
I would say that for anyone watching, you can love people, whoever they are, but also be disappointed in their actions. It doesn’t mean you no longer want a relationship with them, but you can at least honor your disappointment. This show is not about “you should let people transition.” We’re not forcing anything in people’s faces, but at least what people can take away is sometimes you do have to have a chosen family. And family is also what you make it. Sometimes, it’s going to take time for your relationships to improve.
What do you hope is folks’ main takeaway from seeing your family on their TV screens?
Rene: I’m hoping that people who watch the show see Jay and Pamela as adults with real lives. They’ve got dreams and aspirations just like everybody else. And a lot of their day-to-day life is what normal adults who are navigating the world go through just a little bit differently.
Jay: I hope this inspires somebody out there to lean into authenticity and whatever that looks like. Your experience and truth are yours; nobody can take that away from you. [I hope] that people see this as all of us leaning into our authentic selves in whatever way that looks, and for them to hopefully do the same.