Anna Richardson organized an Owasso community vigil Sunday evening at Redbud Festival Park for Nex Benedict, an Indigenous, 2STGNC+ (Two-Spirit, transgender, gender-nonconforming+) 16-year-old, who died after being beaten by other students in a school bathroom.
“I think it means a lot that so many people showed up from our community to honor this life,” said Richardson in her opening remarks.
Richardson spoke as a mother to “the adults in the room,” saying that “we have a lot of work to do. That “work” Anna calls the adults to do is to “listen to the kids,” and to act with love, educational accountability that curb the “hate” that led to Nex’s death.
“We have to speak up collectively and use our voices for good,” said Richardson. She reminded people that the vigil was organized for the students, and “to take a pause and honor this child’s life.”
*Below are transcripts from the vigil speakers, shortened, and edited for clarity
Olivia Gray (she/her), Chair of the Board of Northeastern Oklahoma Indigenous Safety & Education (NOISE)
“I have a lot of young people in my life, and what I can tell you is I absolutely learned something new from my kids and my grandkids every day. I think there’s a lot (that) adults can learn from young people, not just the other way around, if their pride will let them do that. That’s kind of a case by case isn’t it? Your voices matter. And adults shouldn’t be afraid of learning from people younger than them. Teaching comes from so many different places that having such a large family – like our oldest kid is in their 30s and our youngest kid is about six months younger than Nex – so of course, with all of these kids – and then we have grandkids, all the way down to infants – (and) some of our children are two-spirit. Some of our children are nonbinary. And the diversity in our family is what makes our family strong. And it’s what makes our family beautiful. And that’s what makes your school strong and beautiful. That’s what makes your community strong and beautiful. Regardless of what other people might say around you, that’s the truth.
[…]
“I mean the name of my organization is “NOISE.” So I say just make some noise. Just keep making noise. And you demonstrate how to love, you demonstrate how to show acceptance and kindness. Because when you do that, and when enough of you do that, the people who hate lose all of their power. So I was asked to come here tonight because I’m Native; Nex was also native. Nex was Choctaw. I’m from Osage, a different tribe, but there’s one thing that a lot of us say, be a good relative. So whether we’re the same tribe or not, whether we are related by blood or not, we’re all relatives because we come from that same place. And you could do that here. And also, you could do that at your school. You could have that mindset. We’re all relatives because we all come from this place.”
Tyler Wrynn (he/him), former Owasso Public School Teacher
“Hi, everyone, I just wanted to say thank you for coming. There’s a lot of talk about Nex in the news. I just want to come tonight and tell you a couple of stories, showing you the Nex that I knew. The first time that I met Nex, it was picture day, and it was in Owasso Eighth Grade Center, and we were all supposed to be in the gym, but I forgot my roster of kids, so I run back to my room and I find Nex and their partner, at the time, trying to cover up hickeys on their neck – just in my room. Now, I had had an adult conversation with him like maybe it’s not a good idea to give each other hickeys right before school pictures. But Nex was a fiery kid.
My favorite memory of him: Every day after school whenever I was on bus duty, I would walk out of the classroom, out of the building, and I would hear him scream my name: ‘I’m gonna fight you…’ just every day. It was always something different. One day it was (that) he wanted to have my Mustang, so he was gonna ‘fight me’ for my Mustang. The others: ‘I’ll fight you to be in your class next year.’ The world is a little darker because Nex is gone, but I’m glad that we all showed up to remember him. Thank you.”
Robin Gray Ingersoll (he/him), a former partner, and Nex’s friend
“Good evening. My name is Robin Ingersoll. I am a 16-year-old, also sophomore student. I want to start off by saying that Nex was transgender, and he used he/him pronouns. But he was so much more than his transness.
“Tonight, I want to talk about who he was as a person and not just how he identified. I lived in Owasso my whole life, but I was homeschooled until eighth grade. When I first started school at the Eighth Grade Center. I didn’t know very many people and Nex was one of the first friends I’d ever made. Nex, and I dated kind of on and off over the span of the school year. As an individual, Nex was one of the strongest and toughest people I’ve ever met, but he often hid behind (that) to gain respect from people. And because of that, he built a lot of walls. And he didn’t let them down very often. But when he did, he can be one of the funniest and sweetest and most thoughtful people. And he would have done anything for someone that he cared about or loved.
[…]
“One of my favorite memories of Nex is the first time he’d ever cook for me. He’d make me wings and mix together all these different kinds of store bought sauces and he’d, like, mix up each one with one of these spices. Honestly, I never knew you could make wings so fancy. The next morning he would continue making me pancakes, which I think is one of the sweetest things that anyone has ever done for me. I was trying to ask if there’s anything I could do to help, but he would always insist to just relax and let him do something nice for me. Because he just did it to do it.
[…]
“When I think about the life that we lost, I feel disappointed. Disappointed that he never got the chance to grow up and mature and learn and grow to find his community and that was taken from him.”
Olivia Cotter (they/them) Administrative Coordinator at Oklahomans for Equality, Owasso alumni
“I attended Owasso High School nearly 30-years-ago, and I know the fear of being different here. When I returned to Owasso I still have a lingering sense of dread that stays with me. I think of the possibility of encountering classmates that tormented me as a child, and it means I don’t come here too often.
“I’m still uncertain of my safety, and also, now, I’m too angry to let that fear continue to influence my actions. To the LGBTQIA students of Owasso Public Schools, you are not alone. You have peers and adults willing to help and provide support. I’m uncertain of the specifics inside your current school system. But as someone who works to help queer folks, here, in Oklahoma, I’m aware of an extensive list of organizations and allies that are out here every day to provide support. We do not have the ability to change anything that happened yesterday, but we can act today. We can comfort the injured and seek better for everyone. Our governor’s administration has emboldened hate and continues to take actions that make Owasso unsafe, make our state unsafe for diverse populations. For those that can do something for those that are limited in their options and cannot act directly, I need you to survive.”
Eli (she/her) A Friend of Nex Who Spoke on Behalf of Nex’s Grandfather Jeff
Last night I talked to Jeff for about two hours hearing from the story when they (Nex) were born to the last moments. This is what Jeff has to say:
“The love everyone is showing my grandchild has overwhelmed me. I am heartbroken over this. I hope what comes out of this is that no one ever has to go through what I’m going through. I feel so much guilt and shame for not being there for Nex. I truly thank you all for what you are doing in showing me love and showing that everyone has loved my grandchild. May God bless you.”’
“It feels like I’m just moving past the grief of Max Birdwell, which might be a new name to some of you guys. Max Birdwell is someone who passed by suicide due to bullying in 2022. And now, I have to go through this trauma all over again. [pause] Something I’ve said a lot in the past few days is that I feel like the state is failing us. Whether you feel like being part of the LGBTQ+ community is wrong, we still are people and they’re failing us. I feel like Oklahoma acts as if they are accepting of all. We have safe places, but [Oklahoma] is not a safe place. It’s crazy because both Max and Nex were Indigenous, nonbinary people. They were just kids. We are just kids. I just want people to speak out and make sure we feel safe to go to school. Some of us are homeschooled now because of the crazy amount of bullying that we are going through. Thank you so much for being here tonight. Seeing all of this and knowing who Nex was they never deserved this and thank you.”
Kane (He/They), Owasso Student, Spoke on Behalf of Nex’s Friend
“I’ll be speaking for somebody who is friends with Nex who, unfortunately, couldn’t be here today. So they said:
“‘Even though our time together was short, they managed to become someone so close to me. It was so easy to love him and his personality. He was someone who could make anyone smile and feel happy. They were an amazing friend and I couldn’t be more grateful for getting to know him.’”
Ally, Owasso Student, Nex’s Friend
*Kane spoke for Ally due to nerves, but stood beside Kane the whole time
“Nex and I met during the first week of school and created our friend group in our class. It was one of those friendships where you quickly become close, and it’s like you’ve known each other longer than you actually have. Whenever he wasn’t in class, it felt out of place, and me and my friends would never fail to mention how we missed them. The first thing I noticed about them was how they were so authentically themselves, and weren’t afraid to stick up for themselves or for someone else. Even though I’m older than them, I looked up to that and I admired that in them.
“They were such a brave, intelligent soul that knew exactly how to light up a room. And it’s a shame that more people won’t get to know that. More than anything, I wish he would walk back into class and everything would be normal again. Even though I’ve watched them be buried, I look for them wherever I go.”
Spencer (he/him), Nex’s Current Partner
As you heard, I was Nex’s current partner. After everything that happened, I want to thank you all for coming. And thank everyone who spoke. Basically, I just wanted to say how much of a good person and an angel he was. Every day I would find some reason to be in a bad mood because of school, work, whatever and he would always just find some way to help me feel better. He would make everything better. And he just… he was perfect.
I knew I was gay months before I got with him, and he was finally the one to let me know that it’s okay to talk about it, and it’s okay to tell your parents. He’s the one who pushed me into coming out to my parents; he helped with that, he helped with life. He made everything easier. He kept energy levels high, he would always keep the room in a good mood. He was always one of the brightest kids in the room, whether he would smile or not. I think the reason for that is just because he had been through so much, and it had helped him to mature into the wonderful person that I knew as Nex and some knew as ‘Roachie’ or other nicknames. He was just a good person. He constantly helped people…”
Anna Richardson (she/her), Calls to Action
“We have to have conversations, and have (the) children at the table that are affected by all of this involved. So, I encourage everybody to start at your local level. Get involved with the school board. Start paying close attention to local city elections. Start having conversations with the principals at the elementary schools, at the high school, at the Eighth Grade Center at whatever school your child is attending, or not attending. You don’t have to have a child in the school system currently to contact the School Board or superintendent or any principal to discuss concerns because you are a community member here, and we all have a voice, so I just want to encourage us all to use those voices for some good, and (to) do it in a kind open way to keep conversations open. And let’s please remember that these children are all of our children. We are one community.”
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