Asexual (Ace) Awareness Week in 2020 runs from October 25th through October 31st, and is a week to honor and celebrate the Asexual community and the asexual people in our lives. Asexuality is a legitimate, lived identity, but is commonly misunderstood. The lack of understanding about asexual identities does, unfortunately, have concrete negative effects on ace people. The Trevor Project found that asexual youth face higher rathes of anxiety and depression than LGBTQ youth overall.
Asexual identities can intersect with other lived identities: someone may be asexual and biromantic, asexual and Latinx, asexual and disabled, etc. In fact, The Trevor Project found that a larger sample of asexual youth identities as transgender or gender-nonconforming than LGBTQ youth in general. Asexual identities also exist among other sexual orientations, and being asexual is just as valid as being gay/lesbian, bi, or straight.
#AceWeek is an important time to educate yourself and your community on #asexuality
In our sample of over 40,000 LGBTQ youth, 10% identified as asexual or ace spectrum. Read the full research brief: https://t.co/bpupTmGTaV pic.twitter.com/4f4QYR0WWk
— The Trevor Project (@TrevorProject) October 27, 2020
Like any other identity, the most important thing about understanding asexuality is that the focus should always be on each individual person. Different asexual people experience their ace identities differently: some asexual people are interested in romantic relationships while others do not; some asexual people sex-averse and have a negative view of sex while other asexual people are simply not interested in sex but don’t have a negative view of it, and some even engage in sexual activity. When learning about asexuality and respecting ace people, it’s most important to make sure to listen to ace people when they talk about their identity and respect their experiences.
In that spirit, GLAAD spoke to 7 young asexual people to talk about their ace identities, common misconceptions about asexuality, and about the community that they have been able to find among other ace people.
Addie Orr, University of Alabama
What does being asexual+ mean to you?
Being asexual means that I get to have a word that brings validation to the way I feel and gives me a community of people that feel like me. Being asexual means I get to set my own boundaries and I get to define my place in any given relationship.
What is your favorite part of your asexual+ identity / being on the asexual-spectrum?
My favorite part of being asexual is the community. Asexual people tend to get each other in a way that is incredibly unique and incredibly rewarding. I remember the first time I learned about asexuality, I immediately started crying. Other people thought like me. I wasn’t weird or wrong. And when I came out, I was immediately surrounded by fellow asexuals that continue to validate me and give me support.
What is something people get wrong about people with asexual+ identities?
Many people tend to assume that asexual people are just innocent, or don’t know what they’re missing out on. This is absolutely untrue. We aren’t broken, we aren’t naive, and we aren’t just waiting for the right person. Our identities are valid, and we do belong. We are here, we are queer, and we aren’t going to change our minds any time soon.
Aria Back, Oregon State University
What does being asexual+ mean to you?
Being a part of a community that is proud of what makes us different! Even though we can be forgotten or disregarded in a lot of spaces, aces are all about embracing your identity and differences.
What is your favorite part of your asexual+ identity / being on the asexual-spectrum?
I really love being able to educate other people about what it’s like being asexual. It’s a totally different experience than someone who is allosexual (experiences sexual attraction) and it’s really cool to have the opportunity to teach people something new.
What is something people get wrong about people with asexual+ identities?
Asexual people can still be in successful relationships with allosexual folks! And no, we don’t “reproduce asexually.”
Charlie King, Sam Houston State University
What does being asexual+ mean to you?
It was hard to come to terms with being asexual. I felt broken and like no one would want to be with me. For a long time I thought there was something medically wrong with me. I have grown from what I initially felt when I realized my sexuality and now think that is great that I can connect with my partner on different levels that don’t involve sex. While it can still be a challenge to meet people who are also asexual, I know that I will find the right person and have a great community around me.
What is something people get wrong about people with asexual+ identities?
A lot of people seem to think that asexual people do not want any form of a relationship with someone. While that may be true for some, I hope to find a romantic partner that I can share my life with.
Isabel Corp, The New School
What does being asexual+ mean to you?
I have the freedom to prioritize my mental wellness and sexual health while refusing to give in to the intense social pressures to date and have sex, which I’ve never been interested in. When I turned 19, I thought there was something wrong with me for going this long without any interest in dating or sex. I thought I was just a late bloomer. But my disinterest in dating and sex persisted.
What is your favorite part of your asexual+ identity / being on the asexual-spectrum?
Not having to answer to anybody but myself. I can live my life comfortably and with ease, without the added pressure that comes with feeling like I’m obligated to date or have sex. If I date or engage in sexual activity just because I feel obligated to, and not because I genuinely want to, then I would be doing a disservice to myself and my hypothetical partners.
What is something people get wrong about people with asexual+ identities?
There are misconceptions that asexuals are just late bloomers, that we’ve never experienced sexual or romantic attraction before, or our experiences all look the same, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Asexuality is a spectrum, and many of us experience attraction (or lack thereof) in different ways. Many Ace people I know, myself included, are also very sex-positive.
Jack Waguespack Almeida, Delgado Community College
What does being asexual+ mean to you?
Being comfortable enough with myself to know my boundaries and proudly speak on them.
What is your favorite part of your asexual+ identity / being on the asexual-spectrum?
Having a deeper connection with people.
What is something people get wrong about people with asexual+ identities?
[People think] that it’s not a spectrum and is the same experience for everyone. There is no “right” way to be asexual, only what feels right to you.
Sage Skyler, Connecticut College
What is your favorite part of your asexual+ identity / being on the asexual-spectrum?
The colors of the pride flag. [Also] everything positive about my relationship with my partner can be traced back to our communication, not our sexualities (as I hope is the standard).
What is something people get wrong about people with asexual+ identities?
Assuming that all ace people are celibate.
x sennyuen, Ithaca College graduate
What does being asexual+ mean to you?
Being ace to me means that I do not experience attraction, specifically sexual attraction in the way society expects me to.
What is your favorite part of your asexual+ identity / being on the asexual-spectrum?
I am empowered to know that I can define relationships and my experience of attraction in new ways.
What is something people get wrong about people with asexual+ identities?
People misunderstand that people with asexual+ identities don’t ever have sex or want to have sex. Having a libido and being asexual are not mutually exclusive. There are many reasons we may have sex with a partner, even though we experience sexual attraction in a different way.
Mackenzie Harte is the GLAAD Media Institute Coordinator of Engagement and Training. Mackenzie joined the GLAAD team full time in June 2017, managing logistics surrounding Institute courses and workshops, contributing to curriculum and planning, and takes part in conducting courses and workshops. Mackenzie’s Twitter and Instagram is @MackHarte.